| Location | Sittingbourne, Kent |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Still Birth |
| Date of Birth | 05/08/2008 |
| Date of Death | 05/08/2008 |
| Visitors | 5,284 since 27/08/2008 |
| Creator | |
| Helpers |
I was 23 weeks and 5 days pregnant when my beautiful daughter was born. She weighed 1lb 5oz and had
my features. I always wanted a little girl and was so looking foward to having my little Angel. I
knew from the minute I knew I was having a girl, that I was going to call her Angel, and her middle
name Fay (the same as my mums). She was due on Nov 27th, 11 days after my 21st birthday.
My waters broke at 650 on August 4th. 1130 that same night was the last time the tiny beating of her
heart was heard. At 230 i was examined for the first time in the 14 hours i'd been at Chelsea +
Westminster Hospital. I had been trasferred from Medway Hospital that lunchtime. I was fully
dilated, but bleeding heavily. At 335 Angel-Fay was born peacefully. Her head circumference was a
mere 19cm. She was perfect, too perfect. A proper mini-me.
February 2009: I have just had a meeting with the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital. They went
through my notes and said it was obvious there was a lack of care. At one point (when I had been
buzing for 20mins) a note had been written saying "Abbie has been buzzing for 20 minutes, all
midwives are on a break", disusting. They also told me, despite my requests to be examined earlier,
by the time I was finally examined, and Angel was announced dead, she had passed through my cervix,
and was here, unbeknown to me. I'm so hurt by what I was told. They are going to use Angels story in
training, but I don't feel this is enough. This could have all been prevented, and with the correct
care Angel may have stood a chance. Having found out I am expecting a little brother or sister for
Angel, I am going to bide my time, and see what action I am able to take, not for me but for
Angel-Fay, my number 1. She needs the justice she deserves, and I will only stop when I feel a sense
of closure.
Angel-Fay,
I love you so much, it's agony that you, my first child was taken away from me. But now you'll be my
lucky star + guardian angel, true to your name.
Its never goodbye, just goodnight, All my love forever, Mummy x x x x
Goodnight Sleeping Beauty, your mummies favourite Disney Character. Love Daddy x x x x
Such a small person, such a great loss x x x x x
Please feel free to also visit my Grandad's site and light a candle or write a tribute for him. It's
http://denis-holland.gonetoosoon.org. Also I have one for my old youkie Daisy,
http://daisy-holland.gonetoosoon.org. There is now a site for my sisters dog Gizmo Holland on
http://gizmo-holland.petsgonetoosoon.org. They can also be found on my garden, Abbie xXx
R..ii..P
I am so so sorry to here about this when i read this it brought tears to my eyes.. the little angle must have been far to good for this earth. god must have looked down in his garden and saw and empty space so he saw that lovley little tierd angels face r.i.p hope you had a lovley christmas ....x and a warm new year ...x=]xxxxxxx
New Years Eve
New years eve,
A time of rejoice,
But deep inside,
I hear a small voice.
What have you to celebrate?
Your babies not here,
So the reason I'm celebrating,
Is the end of this year.
2009 should've been ours,
The year when all our dreams came true,
When you started to grow up,
And mummies world revolving round you.
At midnight tonight,
We'll look at the starry sky,
And whisper Happy new year,
To out baby that died.
With the end of 2008
Drawing so near,
I feel a sigh of relieve,
And less of a fear.
I miss you Angel-Fay,
Celebrate in heaven tonight,
Look down on Mummy and Daddy,
Give them the strength to fight.
Wave goodbye to 2008,
And welcome 2009,
And hope that the new year,
Will give me a baby of mine.
Love you Angel-Fay, Happy New Year. Love Mummy xxxx
Angel Fay,
Its now 11am on new years eve and all Mummy and I want is you in our arms to celebrate the new year with. Instead tonight we will be looking up at new year to the stars to see the brightest star shining and blowing you a kiss and sending our love up too you. Im missing you like crazy and its these times of year that really do make me miss you so much more as we should all be together, Daddy, Mummy and our Beautiful little Angel Fay. You will never be forgotten I promise your amazing and I LOVE YOU and always will till we meet again. Sleep tight our little SLEEPING BEAUTY. Daddy and Mummy will send a big kiss up too you tonight. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Christmas Wish
It's 8 o clock on Xmas Eve,
And Mummy's sitting in bed,
Writing this poem and thinking of you,
And is so full of dread
Dread for Xmas & New Year,
Days we should share,
Together, just mummy and Princess,
Oh, life just isn't fair.
I hate being without you,
I dread each and every day,
I miss you each second that passed,
You, my gorgeous Angel-Fay.
I look under the tree,
And see presents galore,
But all I want is you my dear,
There's nothing I want more.
All the lights and twinkles,
Don't even catch my eye,
The only twinkle I look for,
Is you up in the sky.
Please be my Xmas gift,
I'll be good forever more,
Please ask God to let you go,
To pass through heavens door.
Please ask Santa,
To pile you in his sleigh,
Bring you home to Mummy,
And brighten up my day.
Please be here tomorow,
Please don't break ny heart,
I don't think I could hurt anymore,
I just can't bear us being apart.
I miss you much,
People don't realise how much I care,
But I love you as much as the next mummy,
Only difference is you're up there.
Merry Xmas little One,
And a fantastic New Year,
Mummys going to sleep now,
In the morning, hopefully, you'll be here.
We can all dream. Love you Princess, Love Mummy xxxx
A poem for my Baby
As the night draws to an end
I think back on my day,
Off all the pain and silent screaming,
Its been happening since you went away.
Noone really realises,
What a great deal of pain I'm in,
You see I at really well,
And say I'm ok and grin.
Angel I'm at a lose end,
I feel like I'm being drown,
Sucked into a deep dark depression,
Because you aren't around.
People keep having there babies,
And eah time I cry even more,
Becuase I should have my baby,
But I carry on as if a chore.
I hate my life without you,
And the person I've turned out to be,
I can't love and I don't care,
But it's only this me that Daddy see's.
I don't know how he copes,
Or how I do for that fact,
But since you've left our lives,
Mummy and Daddy have made a pact.
We will love eachother lots,
And think of you each day,
We'll go on for your memory,
Because we love you Angel-Fay.
But there is one thing I need to ask,
That you mske mummy strong,
That you help me to ease my pain,
And learn I did nothing wrong.
Help stop the pain of each newborn,
Hurt me even more,
Help me to realise my time will come,
And stop me walking to heavens door.
The grief that I am feeling,
Please help it lift each day,
Make it gradually get easier,
And eventually it'll go away.
You'll live on in my memory,
Forever in my heart,
I'll try and live each day to the full,
As if we were never apart.
I know what I want for Christmas,
And I know I've been really good,
I've asked Father Christmas for my baby back,
And bring you back he should.
Christmas is going to be awful,
A dark and lonely day,
A day of sadness and wishes,
Wishes to be with My Angel-Fay.
Night Night Princess.
Written for you 17/12/08. Love Mummy xXx
__________________ *
___________________H ello
__________________I Have
_________________Com e Here
________________To Wish You
_______________Merry Christmas
______________And Also, A Happy
_____________New Year To You For
____________2009... I Hope The New
___________Year Brings You Loads Of
__________Happiness And Lots Of Fun.
_________I Hope You Have A Nice Day On
________Christmas Day, Filled With Lots Of
_______Angel Time.......And Of Course Eating
______Lots Of Nice Foods, And Candies. I Hope
_____That Santa Is Good To You As Well And He
___Brings You Loads Of Presents On Christmas Day
_________________XXX (\ ●♥● /)
_________________XXX ( \(_)/ )
_________________XXX (_ /|\ _)
_________________XXX ../___\
Angel, I hope you can hear this
If tears could build a stairwell
and memories were a lane,
I would walk right up to Heaven
and bring you home again.
No farewell words were spoken
no time to say good-bye
You were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness,
and secret tears still flow,
What it means to lose you,
no one will ever know
Love Mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
What your Great-Grandad Denis said to me
I knew all along sweetheart, Grandad told me when he visited me in my dreams. This is what he said:
"I'll send you for a little time,
A child of mine," He said,
"For you to love the while she lives
And mourn for when she's dead"
"It may six or seven years
Or twenty-two or three,
But will you till I call her back,
Take care of her for me?"
"She'll bring her charms to gladden you
And should her stay be brief,
You'll have these precious memories,
As solace for your grief. "
"I cannot promise she will stay
Since all from earth return.
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn"
"Now will you give her all your love
Not think the labour vain,
Nor hate me when I come to call
To take her back again?"
It seems to me I heard them say,
"Grandad, this will be done.
For all the joys the child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run"
"We'll shelter her with tenderness,
We'll love her while we may,
And for the happiness we've known
Forever grateful stay."
"And should the angels call for her
Much sooner than we'd planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand"
Miss you with all my heart xxxxxxx
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