| Location | Sittingbourne, Kent |
| Age | 0 |
| Cause of Death | Still Birth |
| Date of Birth | 05/08/2008 |
| Date of Death | 05/08/2008 |
| Visitors | 5,285 since 27/08/2008 |
| Creator | |
| Helpers |
I was 23 weeks and 5 days pregnant when my beautiful daughter was born. She weighed 1lb 5oz and had
my features. I always wanted a little girl and was so looking foward to having my little Angel. I
knew from the minute I knew I was having a girl, that I was going to call her Angel, and her middle
name Fay (the same as my mums). She was due on Nov 27th, 11 days after my 21st birthday.
My waters broke at 650 on August 4th. 1130 that same night was the last time the tiny beating of her
heart was heard. At 230 i was examined for the first time in the 14 hours i'd been at Chelsea +
Westminster Hospital. I had been trasferred from Medway Hospital that lunchtime. I was fully
dilated, but bleeding heavily. At 335 Angel-Fay was born peacefully. Her head circumference was a
mere 19cm. She was perfect, too perfect. A proper mini-me.
February 2009: I have just had a meeting with the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital. They went
through my notes and said it was obvious there was a lack of care. At one point (when I had been
buzing for 20mins) a note had been written saying "Abbie has been buzzing for 20 minutes, all
midwives are on a break", disusting. They also told me, despite my requests to be examined earlier,
by the time I was finally examined, and Angel was announced dead, she had passed through my cervix,
and was here, unbeknown to me. I'm so hurt by what I was told. They are going to use Angels story in
training, but I don't feel this is enough. This could have all been prevented, and with the correct
care Angel may have stood a chance. Having found out I am expecting a little brother or sister for
Angel, I am going to bide my time, and see what action I am able to take, not for me but for
Angel-Fay, my number 1. She needs the justice she deserves, and I will only stop when I feel a sense
of closure.
Angel-Fay,
I love you so much, it's agony that you, my first child was taken away from me. But now you'll be my
lucky star + guardian angel, true to your name.
Its never goodbye, just goodnight, All my love forever, Mummy x x x x
Goodnight Sleeping Beauty, your mummies favourite Disney Character. Love Daddy x x x x
Such a small person, such a great loss x x x x x
Please feel free to also visit my Grandad's site and light a candle or write a tribute for him. It's
http://denis-holland.gonetoosoon.org. Also I have one for my old youkie Daisy,
http://daisy-holland.gonetoosoon.org. There is now a site for my sisters dog Gizmo Holland on
http://gizmo-holland.petsgonetoosoon.org. They can also be found on my garden, Abbie xXx
To my Princess
As the days drag to the end
And the weeks pass slowly by
I miss you not less, but more and more
I need you by my side
When the stars come out to play
I look up at the sky
I wisper messages to you
And wish that I could die
I have nothing left to live for
You are all the matters now
I find so hard going on without you
I only wish that I knew how
The baby in my belly
Is a lively little one
My pregnancy is never ending torture
I can't wait for September to come
But this new baby
Will never easy my pain
You're the one I'm proud of
My brave fighter who died in vain
I know that you haven given to me
The gift of life to hope
That this will help dry my tears
And help me to try and cope
But Angel Mummy is so sad
The night time brings my tears
Tears that are formed from mourning you
And tears that are from my fears
Fears that I miss you so much
And don't know what more I can do
I want to love this baby so much
But all I can think of is you
I miss you so much
The future I see is with you
Up in heaven with the sun shining bright
And lots of fun thing to do
My gorgeous little girl
Didn't deserve to die
She deserved to live a long life
Not a short pregnany full of lies
Lies and promises of a baby for me
And a loving mummy for you
I would have lived up to your expectations
And you would have exceed mine too
I know your doing your best
To make your mummy smile
But happiness I can't see
Not for a long, distant while
Mummys over the moon to be pregnant
But she wished you was her so much
Your scent I long to inhale
Your skin I long to touch
Your nose I long to wipe
Your eyes I long to see
Your lips I long to kiss
And hear you call "Mummy"
But that will never happen
And it breaks my heart to know
That you will never see a butterfly
Or play out in the snow
Never play in the sea
Or go to the park
Never misbehave at Asda
And that all breaks my heart
My special baby girl
I will never hear you cry
But I will always miss and love you
Until the day I die
Love you always Angel
Love Mummy xxxxxxx Easter 2009 xxxxxxx
for your beautiful baby girl Angel fay rest in peace
In my dreams, you are alive and well
Precious child, precious child
In my mind, I see you clear as a bell
Precious child, precious child
In my soul, there is a hole
That can never be filled
But in my heart, there is hope
'Cause you are with me still
In my heart, you live on
Always there never gone
Precious child, you left too soon
Tho' it may be true that we're apart
You will live forever... in my heart
x
Thinking about you as always princess A.
keep thinking about me.
please help me in these hard times and be the angel i need by my side.
love you always x
Dear Angel
Mummy keeps waking up in the middle of the night like now having relived my agonising labour with you in my dreams. It scares me how that hospital could have let this happen, and it upsets me because i miss you so much. I just want you to know il never forget you. Even when baby 2 comes along, youl still always be my number 1. And no matter what happens in my life, there will always be room for you in my heart. Night princess. Big kisses from mummy. X x x
You're here
Mummy just lit you a candle and your song come on the Radio. Thank you for letting me know you are here. I miss you Angel.
Living without you is breaking my heart, and I can't wait to meet you in Heaven.
I'll never let you go, you'll be Mummy's Princess forever.
Mummy and Angel, as it should be xxxxxx
x Angel x
Hello baby girl
hope your'e ok up there!
still think about you all the time.
sorry i havnt left u a message lately, have had a lot going on in my life at the moment, i havnt reali got round 2 do anything.
still think about you love and wish u was here with mummy!!
hope your having fun up there!
love to u always xxx >3 xxx
To Angel
My dearest lil girl,
it is your mummy here,
i have something to tell you,
but telling you fills me with fear.
i dont wana disappoint you,
or hurt you in any way,
you truely are the most important person,
my gorgeous Angel-Fay.
mummy wants to tel you,
but i want you to know,
your so important to me,
and how i love you so.
ever since you went away,
iv been so down and low,
but at the end of that long dark tunnel,
i finally see a glow.
i dont want to hurt you,
and replace you i never will,
il never forget our hours 2geva,
the love i will always feel.
i dont know how to put this,
to give you clues or maybe,
tell you this bluntly..ere goes,
mummies having a new baby.
a special gift from you above,
this is what most people say,
but i dont know what to think,
please help me Angel-Fay.
please look after us,
keep us safe and warm,
but please know youl never be replaced,
in anyway, shape or form.
help mummy stay strong,
and help daddy find sum belief,
that everything can work out for us,
and not always end in grief.
this baby wil never replace you,
you own mummies heart,
youl always be my number 1,
and our memories wil remain apart.
i want you to be happy,
please do not dismay,
mummy wil love this baby,
but not as much as Angel-Fay.
love you baby x x x x
I stood by your bed last night
I came to have a peep,
I could see that you were crying
and you found it hard to sleep,
I whispered to you softly
as you brushed away a tear,
its me I havn't left you, i'm well
i'm fine, i'm here,
I was close to you a breakfast
I watched you pour your tea,
you were thinking of the many times
your hands reached out to me,
I was with you at the shops today
you're arms were getting sore,
I longed to take your parcels
I wish I could do more,
I was with you at my grave today
you tend it with such care,
I want to reassure you, that i'm not
lying there,
I walked with you towards the house
as you fumbled for your key,
I gently put my hand on you
I smiled and said 'its me'
you looked so very tired
and sank into a chair,
I tried so hard to let you know
that I was standing there,
its possible for me to be
so near to you every day,
to say to you with certainty
I never went away,
you sat there very quietly then smiled
I think you knew,
in the stillness of the evening
I was very close to you,
now the day is over.....I smile
and watch you yawning,
and say good night, god bless,
i'll see you in the morning,
and when the time is right for you
to cross the brief divide,
i'll rush across to greet you
and we'll stand side by side,
I have so many things to show you
there is so much for you to see,
be patient, live your journey out
then come home to be with me.
Love to you and your family, from Vicky xxx
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